Just what a country teetering on the edge of a double dip recession needs - a Royal Wedding to keep the Daily Mail distracted.
Yes, Prince Wills has finally popped the question and will marry university sweetheart Kate Middleton next year after what seems like centuries of "will they, won't they" speculation.
Cue months of wall-to-wall news coverage of the second Royal marriage of the 21st century, centred on what she will wear, where they will go to on Honeymoon, and when the first crack will appear in what media style guides insist we must now call a "fairytale marriage".
However, the Sceptic Tank knows what all of you are really asking: is there a green angle?
Well, of course. While The Sceptic Tank wishes the future Mr and Mrs Wales every happiness we can't help but be concerned about the dangers the ceremony poses to the planet. Sorry, but it's our nature - cut The Sceptic Tank and we bleed green.
OK, her mother was an air stewardess (much to the Duke of Edinburgh's eternal chagrin), but surely it's a bit crass for a man whose Dad is an avowed environmentalist to get engaged in a long-haul destination like Nairobi? And then there's the prospect of millions of tons of bunting, cheap Union Jacks and confetti flooding the streets on the happy day, plus the air miles of jetting in the inevitable media circus and countless Royal cousins to attend the big day. We are doing the carbon footprint calculations as we speak and it doesn't look pretty.
So Wills, Kate - heed this call and let's go low key, eh? The Sceptic Tank's mate got hitched at Butlins last year and never looked back.
Failing that, we're off to buy shares in souvenir plate manufacturers.
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