17 Apr 2013, 00:05
A month has passed since Red Nose Day and like many of you, the Tank is still feeling bruised by the raw power of David Brent's anthemic "Equality Street". Shaken, rattled and rolled. How One Direction landed the official charity single gig over that clarion call for multiculturalism is frankly beyond us.
So all credit to Sainsbury's, which has clearly done a better job than the Tank of getting on with things and ploughed ahead with the business of making Red Nose Day that little bit greener.
The supermarket has recycled almost 1.5 million of the red noses returned to its stores into a carpet underlays for homes and, er, cruise ships, marking a significant improvement on the one million noses recycled last year.
The Tank had thought rubber chickens, clown shoes, or even a toupée for Jessie J would have been a more appropriate end product for the recycled noses, but our suggestions were shouted down and carpet underlay got the gig.
"The noses will be processed in our state of the art factory where they will be chipped, bonded and rejuvenated to attain the quality necessary for our carpet underlay," parped Ann Shaw, sales director at recycling company Ball & Young, presumably speaking from a bath of fund-raising baked beans.
"The enthusiasm from customers and employees has been tremendous and we're pleased to continue our work with Comic Relief and Sainsbury's."
Apparently, it takes just a day to turn the PU Foam Red Noses into underlay in which the red flecks can still easily be spotted. And to the Tank's mind, this fact alone makes it funnier material than anything Lenny Henry's come up with in the last five years. Boom boom!
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