30 Jan 2013, 00:05
We suspect that many of you are, like the Tank, big fans of toilet paper - especially that brand with the dogs on it. If there's a cheaper way to decorate your walls, we've yet to find it.
But our admiration for a product that gets the job done with the minimum of fuss has now extended even further, with the news Britain could save half a million tonnes of CO2 emissions every year if everybody switched to environmentally-friendly toilet paper.
This is all according to one Green Steve, self-styled environmental expert, who jovially adds that the opportunity to ditch emissions equivalent to 1.5 billion road miles in the average car is "nothing to be sniffed at".
"Recycled toilet paper used to be a staple joke in the playground, but now it's a reality," said Steve, wistfully recalling the days where the tag "comic genius" was ascribed to the boy quickest to remark "whoever smelt it dealt it".
Steve insists that while most "green" toilet rolls are made up of standard two-ply paper, some brands are available in three-ply, which means, maths fans, a 50 per cent increase in paper - and a similar increase in embedded emissions.
For those laughing at the back - yes, we're still referring to CO2 emissions here.
Anyhoo, Steve has calculated the average person gets through 50 rolls of toilet paper every year, which rather implies the Tank can't be the only one using the stuff for home improvements.
And if you believe that stat, you'll have no problem in following his logic that the "average bottom" (The Horror! The Horror! - it's a cultural reference Ed.) can save 8.4kg of CO2e each year simply by changing to a toilet roll brand that offers two-ply paper. As such the, er, bottom line would be a total saving of 504,000 tonnes across the UK.
"I don't see the toilet as an area of my life in which I need luxury, so the extra layer is just not necessary," said Steve, presumably on his way to the draughty outhouse at the end of the garden.
So there you have it ladies and gents - a rallying cry to ensure our superior bottoms limit their emissions! And to think, we could have gone to law school...
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