If Nellie the elephant packed her trunk today, she'd trundle back to the green energy powered enclosure at Noah's Ark Zoo
If the Tank remembers its Bible Studies class correctly, God flooded the Earth in response to man's irredeemable debauchery, but things got a little out of hand after He realised He hadn't got round to inventing plumbers yet.
Happily, this guy named Noah had a tip off this deluge was on its way - impressive in an age before the Met Office smartphone app - and built an ark to save not only his sizeable extended family, but also two of every animal. The Tank would happily have given the wrong embarkation time to spiders, wasps, and mosquitos, but that's probably why we've never been chosen to save the world. Not yet, anyway.
So, the animals went in two by two and the rest, as they say, is allegory.
Much more rooted in reality is the Noah's Ark Zoo Farm in Bristol, which is following in its illustrious forebear's wake by building a "Five Star hotel for elephants" powered by another Tank favourite, green energy.
At 20 acres, the £1.8m development, part funded by the European Agricultural Fund for Rural Development, is set to be the largest elephant environment in northern Europe - at least until George Monbiot gets his way - and will use solar PV, biomass heating, and rainwater harvesting to provide almost all the power required to operate the elephant house and fields.
Moreover, most of the food for the elephants will be grown on an adjacent farm, although there's no word yet as to whether that extends to their daily West Country scrumpy ration.
Noah's Ark expects to host a couple of elephants to start off with, but over time hopes to house a herd of up to six cows, a bull and two babies.
According to the Bristol Post, the pulchritudinous pachyderms will enjoy "specially erected dead tree scratching posts, hidden puzzles (buried tubes where the most searching trunks can find hidden food), and even an elephant-sized swimming pool". And you thought your cannonballs were impressive.
"Over the years the standard of elephant enclosures at zoos has been so poor, that the government last year said unless conditions were improved zoos would simply be banned from keeping elephants," Noah's Ark owner, the aptly-named Anthony Bush, told the Bristol Post. "We are keen to improve the reputation of zoos, by doing this properly."
Of course, if they were really doing this properly, they'd flood the whole place and perch the elephants on a creaky raft for 40 days and nights, but perhaps that's taking the Bible more literally than it was intended.
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