"Here comes the gadget master," parps the animated rapper on those Toyota Yaris ads, at a man who has clearly lost control of his life to such an extent he's sitting in a car making pasta. A more understanding character, such as the Tank, would have quietly slipped the man a number for the Samaritans and maybe dropped him a few quid for a packet of fusilli, but that's the younger, merciless generation for you.
Anyway, it transpires that despite a range of on board applications so huge they can only have been compiled by a man all too aware of the pitch-black vacuum that lies buried in his soul, he doesn't have some Bluetooth malarkey that would link his i-Pod to the Yaris' in-car entertainment centre.
Fortunately for fans of linking the first two paragraphs of any story to the remaining text, this heart-breaking portrait of the modern condition came to the Tank's mind when we were presented with the concept of electric clothes.
Yes, forget your plugs and cables, from now on you can stick your phone right where the sun don't shine - a pocket, say - and the conductive fabric will do the rest.
The system has been developed for the army by start-up Intelligent Textiles and is powered by a central battery pack with plug-and-play connectors placed at convenient junctures.
"We've got the fabric integrated into the vest, into the shirt, into the helmet, the backpack, and into the glove and weapons platform," said Asha Thompson, director of Intelligent Textiles, told BBC News, presumably in the excited tones of someone who gets to use the words "weapons platform" as part of their day job. "We have a ringmain that allows us to power data wherever we want it to go. We can send power up to the helmet without it being tethered."
All of which gets you wondering as to whether portable battery packs powering our clothes could become part of the smart-grid by storing electricity produced during non-peak times? Are portable electronics about to solve the whole intermittency problem?! And how cool would an electronic global hyper-colour t-shirt be?!!
Answers on a post-card - preferably featuring our other favourite electric clothing - to the usual address: grey metro, Watford Gap services, behind the mountain of ravioli.
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