The Sceptic Tank had always hoped that when the time comes to shuffle off this mortal coil, he would go out in a blaze of bacchanalian glory, like a latter-day cross between Marlon Brando, Hunter S Thompson, and Monster from the Muppets. If you've got to go, hedonistic excess seems as good an option as any.
So he was more than a little miffed to learn that when the grim reaper comes a-knocking, we are more likely to be sitting in traffic than engaged in a drug-fuelled orgy.
That's right: according to new research released this week, more people have a heart attack triggered as a result of air pollution while sitting in traffic than they do as a result of coffee, alcohol, narcotics or sex.
The researchers blamed traffic smog for 7.4 per cent of heart attacks, compared to five per cent triggered by coffee, another five per cent by booze, one per cent sparked by marijuana – and a (is it appropriate to say lucky?) 2.2 per cent trigger a heart attack while engaged in a bout of strenuous love-making.
The Sceptic Tank has weighed up the odds and reckons he'll give up the car before he gives up the hedonism.
On Bob Dylan, World Cups, and the true urgency of the climate challenge
Deadline for entry to this year's awards is 5pm today
Inaugural GGFI ranks the work's financial centres according to perceptions of quality and depth of their green finance offerings
Data from trade body SolarPower Europe confirms continued strong growth for the industry throughout 2017